Quick to speak, slow to listen

I'll probably never know whether it was spurred on by Wednesday's blog entry or a good afternoon nap, but DH was in the mood to talk. Though I was tired (I didn't get an afternoon nap) and mentally drifting, I was desperate to keep the conversation going. He was going on and on (in a good way) about the boys and how they've grown and changed. We discussed sending our oldest to a two-day preschool in the fall, and whether it would be beneficial or not. He raved about the pressure cooker that unexpectedly arrived in the mail (thanks, mom and dad!) He pondered financial decisions we would need to make if our house actually sold in this market or if he were offered a job in another part of the country. He explained the different job opportunities he may have in the next few years, and which ones really excite him (ooh, statistics!) I was able to sit and listen and ask questions. It was wonderful... and surprisingly humbling.

On Wednesday I shared that I would love to have more opportunities to sit and talk with DH, but didn't think he was very interested. Last night, though, he was. What had changed? After writing out my frustration, after realizing how much I desired a deep conversation, and after spending an hour doing exactly that, it has occurred to me that I may have been casting the first stone. Perhaps I've not been doing my part. For me to learn more about DH, I have to be willing to listen to him without changing the subject to something that interests ME! In order to listen, I have to stop talking, stop nagging, and give him a chance to speak. How often have I failed to listen? How often has he grown frustrated by my reluctance to learn of the burdens he carries? How often have I selfishly put my desire to talk above my responsibility to love and honor my husband? How often are we blind to our own sins? Forgive us, Lord.

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?" - Matthew 7:3-4

A Cozy Conversation

It's just the two of us, sitting on the couch in front of the fire. No TV, no computer, no phone, no books, no dogs, no kids, no distractions. Together, we consider how our relationship has changed through the years and describe our hopes and dreams for the future. We share our fears and discuss how we can help each other. We talk, we listen, we learn about each other, and through this cozy conversation, we grow closer.

This is my "fantasy" of an ideal relationship. I would love to sit up all night with DH and just talk about whatever was on our minds. Of course, the thought of spending more than 20 minutes in serious conversation with me sends him running for the remote control. It's not that he doesn't want to talk; he does. What he doesn't want is little to me carry on for 30 minutes about why I would like to buy a new shower curtain... and THEN ask him what he thinks and ask HIS reasoning behind it. Like most men, DH does not really care about that stuff. He sees the big picture and that's that. ("Will we still have a shower curtain? Okay then.")

I need to try harder not to bore him with unnecessary details. Did I really need to call him at work to tell him that we didn't get any mail? Did he really want to hear the "drama" with the cashier on my last shopping trip, THEN sit so I could show him what I got, item by item, and listen as I explained how much it was originally and how much I actually spent on it?

So here I lament that I probably shouldn't share each little detail of my life, my every random thought, or those silly little fears with my best friend, my husband. And at the same time, God longs for EXACTLY that sort of relationship with me. He loves me so much and wants to spend time with me, but I so often give him the cold shoulder, or go running for the remote control! The Lord wants me to tell him all the little stuff, confide in him, seek his opinion, and listen and learn from him. I find it a bit odd to compare prayer to a long chat with my hubby, but I'm beginning to believe that that's what I need to do in order to build that relationship.

Prayer - It's just the two of us, sitting on the couch in front of the fire. No TV, no computer, no phone, no books, no dogs, no kids, no distractions. Together, we consider how our relationship has changed through the years and describe our hopes and dreams for the future. We share our fears and discuss how we can help each other. We talk, we listen, we learn about each other, and through this cozy conversation, we grow closer.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 8:38-39